Becoming the person God wants us to exist

From left, Isaac Gomez with his female parent, Monica Nunez-Cham, and begetter, Arturo Gomez (Jeannine Gramick)

Recently I participated in an international briefing in Peru for Latino/a families with sexual multifariousness. As I sat downwardly in an assembly room in a large government building, Susana Villarán, Lima's first woman mayor, welcomed several hundred attendees from 24 unlike countries to the metropolis.

I found myself next to Monica Nunez-Cham and her husband, Arturo Gomez, who were from San Diego, Calif. By the terminate of the four-twenty-four hour period briefing, Monica became non only my main translator, merely besides my teacher and friend. In between sessions, Monica told me the story about her son, Isaac Gomez, who likewise participated in the conference.

Isaac was built-in a biological female. From the time he was ii or 3 years old, he did not want to wear girls' clothes. When he did, Isaac'south usual sunny disposition became melancholy and dejected. When his grandparents in Mexico bought him "boy" toys, Isaac was happy.

Isaac loved to play sports with the boys. His proper noun at that fourth dimension, Marifer, was feminine in Spanish, only sounded androgynous in English. Marifer was well-liked by schoolmates, who treated him every bit a male child.

The teachers and administrators in the public school system empathized with the situation. While there was a dress code, Isaac was permitted to dress as a boy for classes and for graduation. (I constitute myself wondering if Catholic schoolhouse personnel would have been as agreement.)

E'er a cheerful and kind child, Isaac must have had some experience or pushback around the age of 12 that prompted him to say he would henceforth be a girl. He did non want to be a freak, he said. Why did God brand a mistake, he asked? Monica wondered where he got these notions -- certainly not from his parents and siblings. All his grandparents, although traditional Catholics, loved and accepted Isaac as a male child.

At first Monica thought Isaac was imitating his older brother, instead of his middle sis. She told Isaac that little girls can play sports with boys and wear boys' clothes. Eventually Monica came to understand that Isaac'due south feelings and behaviors represented a phenomenon more than key than sibling imitation or rejection. This was something crucial to her kid'south identity.

Subsequently many family unit discussions and extensive consultation with wellness professionals, Isaac began hormone treatment at age xiii to transition to a biological male. His name was now consistently Isaac and male pronouns were constantly used. The following year there was surgery for a double mastectomy. Further constructive surgeries followed. Now 19 years of age, Isaac is a handsome, well-adjusted and intelligent fellow attending university. Except for that i tumultuous twelvemonth, Isaac continues to be the cheerful person he was as a kid.

I find myself reflecting on this story long afterwards the conference. Why do we phone call people freaks? What is normal? How do we know what God wants us to exist? What is there in each of united states that makes us want to be the same as others? Or at least, if not the same, what makes united states of america want to belong or fit in, to experience like an insider, not an outsider?

Nosotros use the derogatory word freak to characterization a person who does not wait or deed as virtually of the people nosotros know. We might as well call bright people, such every bit Einstein, freaks. Why do nosotros insist that people be homogeneous? Sameness tin be boring and boring.

We use the word normal to mean "what is accustomed." Isaac felt he fit in, was accepted and loved by his family, but he wanted that circle widened. He wanted to exist normal or appreciated past the wider human family.

The longing to belong lies deep in the center of each human being. We want desperately to connect, to feel role of the whole. The greatest suffering, I believe, is a feeling of abandonment, of isolation, of not belonging. It is the overwhelming pain of rejection that Jesus experienced on the cross every bit he cried out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

I notice myself praying for a society where nosotros see with the center of our soul that differences are gifts that enrich the man family, where diversity is considered a blessing by which we can learn from each other. God's imagination does not make cookie-cutter human beings. I desire to work for the twenty-four hours when we are all insiders, unique in our identities and grateful for who God created us to be.

How practice we know what God wants us to be? I believe the answer lies deep in our hearts. God uses our feelings and attractions, our desires and longings, our abilities and disabilities, our likes and dislikes to signal us in the direction God wants. In the sanctuary of our souls, where we are alone with God, we find God'due south affidavit of who we are to be.

But as 1's conscience must be obeyed, even against whatsoever political or ecclesiastical authority, so too one must become the person God intends, despite social acceptance or rejection, considering it is this condign that constitutes the very nobility of the human person.

Isaac teaches me that it takes great moral courage and integrity to become the person God intends us to be, and that family is leaven for a skilful life.

[Loretto Sr. Jeannine Gramick is leading abet for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights equally a co-founder of New Ways Ministry. Her books include Edifice Bridges: Gay and Lesbian Reality and the Cosmic Church and Voices of Promise: A Collection of Positive Catholic Writings on Gay and Lesbian Issues.]

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